All Bent Up
by Aine Valentine
Summary: A parody of sorts. For EreMika week, though little EreMika. Prompt: Genderbend. "It was the worst nightmare. I—I was a girl, and Jean was hitting on me and Mina was talking about goddamn shoes and Annie and I shared a bunk and Mikasa wasn't there and I couldn't find her anywhere and—!" Not to be taken seriously.


Drabble. For EreMika week. Day Three: Genderbend. Enjoy!

Not really a romantic story, just a humorous/parody one. Crack. OOCness abounds, you are warned.

Eren sat at the table next to Armin, grumpily eating his breakfast. This morning was weird. First, he'd woken up in the _girls' _dorms, and now everyone was acting unlike themselves.

First, Jean blushed when Eren walked past him. That was weird enough. Then, Jean stammered out "I—Your long brown hair is so beautiful!" Eren just about punched him in the nose. Opting out of the violence route (because he really didn't feel like getting busted again by Shadis), he ignored the bumbling idiot and walked past him.

Then, Mina Carolina had come up to him and started babbling about her shoes—of all things in the world her _shoes_? Eren hadn't wanted to be rude so he patiently listened as the pair walked to the breakfast hall.

Then, of all people in the whole godforsaken world, Sasha, the potato eating spaz, had started chattering away at how Eren needed to "take the fucking hints from Mike and ask him out!" He'd been beyond bewildered; first of all, who the _hell _was Mike, and second of all, why did everyone suddenly think he was into guys? Did he talk in his sleep about guys or something?

He rolled his eyes, stabbing a piece of his breakfast with his fork before shoving it in his mouth. "Now, Eren, that's not very ladylike!" Someone commented at the table beside him.

Eren groaned. "Good thing I'm not a girl, then."

Several pairs of eyes stared at him. "What do you mean, Eren?" Armin asked from his side.

Eren shook his head. "Whatever. Why are you all acting so weird? Where's Mikasa? I was late because of her."

Armin raised an eyebrow. "Why are we acting weird? Eren, who's Mikasa?"

Eren blinked. "Okay, is everyone pulling some prank on me today? Is it my turn?" He asked, looking around. The whole mess hall was now staring at him, all confused by his words. "Mikasa Ackerman! You know! The girl currently ranked first in our squad? The one with black hair? The one Jean's got a huge, annoying, obvious crush on?" He asked. He got no answers.

"Eren, are you feeling okay? There's no girl named Mikasa." Jean commented as he walked towards Eren's table. "I would know if I liked a girl other than you," he commented nonchalantly.

Eren jumped up from his seat, slamming his hands on the table. "Enough fucking around! What the hell is going on? Sasha?" He asked, looking at the ponytailed girl, begging for answers.

She looked scared. "Eren, please, go to the infirmary or something. You're acting really weird!"

Eren turned to another person. "Annie?" He asked, looking for an answer. He'd expected _her _to at least be her normal self!

Annie tilted her head, looking as confused as he was. "Why do you assume we're acting strange, Eren? You are a girl. I would know, we share a bunk," she said.

Eren blinked. "I am not a girl! I'm pretty sure I would know if I was a girl! Considering I've been bathing myself for the past fourteen years, I'm pretty positive I am a boy."

Sasha poked Eren's chest. "Nope, you're a girl."

"Hey!" Eren looked down. He let out a scream, frightened—

"Eren!"

Eren jolted awake, sweating. "What happened?"

Mikasa shook her head. "I think that's what I should ask you. You fell asleep while eating." She paused, looking around. "Your screaming brought a lot of attention to you."

Eren went red, embarrassed.

"What were you dreaming about?" Jean asked at the table next to Eren. "You said my name a few times. And Annie's and Mikasa's. Having a wet dream there, Eren? I know the three of us are hard to resist, but—"

Annie, who had come over to Eren's table at all the commotion with Reiner and Bert, cuffed the back of Jean's head so hard his forehead slammed onto the table. "Enough," she barked out, but her cheeks dusted a light red, matching Mikasa's a Jean said this.

Eren sighed, happy it was all a dream. "It was the worst nightmare. I—I was a girl, and Jean was hitting on me and Mina was talking about goddamn _shoes_ and Annie and I shared a bunk and Mikasa wasn't there and I couldn't find her anywhere and—!" He cut off, seeing the strange looks he was getting.

Mikasa set her hand atop his. "Eren, you need to stop snatching food before bed." She murmured, giving him a small smile.

"Like hell I'd ever have a crush on you, Jeager." Jean snorted as he rubbed the back of his head.

Eren chose not to comment, and thanked whoever was up there, if there was anyone at all, that he wasn't a girl.


End file.
